What Candy Would Your Favorite Superhero Hand Out?

So I took my boys trick-or-treating last night and was pretty amazed at the bizarre range of “treats” they ended up hauling in…things like a bag of Doritos, a tube of Go-Gurt and a pack of those Nip-Chee crackers you get out of vending machines. I thought it would be funny to imagine what the superheroes would hand out if they were part of the neighborhood. I’ll throw out my thoughts and then see if John has anything to add…

Superman: Obviously, he’d be handing out Clark bars (and absolutely no one would see the connection).

Silver Surfer: For a shiny dude who has traveled the entire galaxy, could there be a better treat than a Milky Way bar?

Mister Fantastic: I’m guessing he left a bowl outside the Baxter Building filled with gummi bears, bubble gum and salt water taffy.

Captain America: There’s no way Mr. Straight-Laced would be handing out candy. No, his immaculately decorated house would be the one mercilessly TP’ed after he offered up apples and toothbrushes…or worse, savings bonds.

Hulk: Jawbreakers.

Iron Man: I’m guessing there’s a hefty collection of those airline-sized bottles of liquor clogging up a closet somewhere on the Stark compound.

Hawkman: Cans of Red Bull. It gives you wings!

Thor: Skittles, in memory of the gateway to his homeland, the Rainbow Bridge.

The Joker: Aside from the obvious, like gumdrops laced with poison or brownies filled with razor blades, I think he might go for something subtle…like Snickers. Get it? Snickers?? ‘Cause he laughs a lot?

The Blob: Empty Chunky bar wrappers…because, well, y’know…

Martian Manhunter: He’d give out Oreos, until the legal department caught up with him, when he’d switch to Chocos.

Human Torch: He’d be too busy running around with the Thing playing tricks on everyone, but I’m sure he’d leave a bowl of Hot Tamales next to Reed’s candy.

The Thing: His bowl next to the Torch’s would have pieces of rock candy.

Dr. Doom: I bet trick or treating is a lot of fun in Latveria. “Who dares TP Doom’s castle? Is that you Richards? Curse you and your automatic egg thrower! I swear on the soul of my dead mother, Doom shall lay flaming poop on the front stoop of the Baxter Building!” In any case, I imagine his gives out gummi Reed Richards, filled with a strawberry jelly, so his subjects can actually have the pleasure of ripping the accursed Richards apart and feasting on his entrails.

The Wasp: I think she gives out fashion tips. “Dear, I don’t care if you are dressing up as a ghost, that plain white sheet is booooring. Wait right there and I’ll be back with something to spruce it up!”

Dr. Pym: He gives out miniature candy bars.

Mr. Miracle: Rubik’s cubes and Chinese finger traps.

The Spectre: He gives out unholy vengeance to all those who dare to play tricks. “I saw you TPing that house! I shall now transport you to a dimension where you are made of toilet paper and the John Goodman Impersonation Society has just finished eating at a Mexican buffet!”

Got any more?

Aww…wouldn’t Wasp hand out Bit O’Honeys? And Mars bars for J’onn J’onnz (he’d keep all the Chocos for himself)?

Green Goblin: He’d have a satchel full of those little pumpkin-shaped candies, the only problem being that he’d be throwing them at everyone and cackling madly. Oh…and they might explode.

Wolverine: Candy cigarettes (if the Marvel editors will allow it).

Skrull Kill Krew: Cow Tails.

Mr. Mind: Anything but gummi worms.


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One Response to What Candy Would Your Favorite Superhero Hand Out?

  1. George from Canada says:

    Iceman from X-Men: freezies of course and they would be the white ones (ie kisko ‘cream soda’ ones) because he is ice white!

    Medusa from the Inhumans: long red bundles of tweezlers or long red Liquorice like her long red hair!

    Hercules (Prince of Power): ouzo flavoured hard candy from Greece (yes these exist and in two kinds: real ouzo or with simulated flavors for kids –both pack quite a punch) in keeping with his background and desire to always party. OPA!

    Submariner: shrimp chips (popular in asian countries and available in US now made with real ground up shrimp mmmm) and swedish fish candy (classic candy shaped as fish).

    Swamp Thing: See’s Red Hot Swamp Goo candies sticky and mucky but very good.

    Firestorm The Nuclear Man: why the classic Chewy Atomic Fireballs, what else?!

    Spiderman: Gummy Spiders (remember them? they come individually wrapped looked like toy spiders in red but were actually edible candies). They are still around here:
    http://www.oryans.com/gummy-spiders-halloween-candy.html

    Angel from X-Men: He’d pass out pieces of white frothy american Angel food cake!

    Invisible Girl: translucent (clear) candy lolipops! They were made for a short time by a company in Quebec in the 60s, don’t know if they were available in the US. tasted

    Black Bolt of the Inhumans: maybe the famous Whistle Pops the only candy you can use as a really loud whistle. Would drive parents to putting their hands to their ears …just like His Royal Loudness would make you do if he ever opened his mouth!
    I found they are still made!
    http://www.oldtimecandy.com/whistle-pops.htm

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