2009 Superhero Resolutions

Dec-17-08

When we’re not trying to save a forgotten character or rehabilitate one that seems to have fallen off-track, we (or at least I) always seem to end up taking the industry to task for one reason or another. I guess blogs wouldn’t exist if people didn’t have anything to complain about! As the clock winds down on 2008, it’s easy to look back and point fingers. At the same time, this joyous and comforting season provides the perfect opportunity to look ahead and resolve to make changes. While I promise to try to be funnier without being so caustic (except when it comes to Bendis), I figure some of our favorite Marvel and DC heroes and villains are also hoping to make some positive changes in their lives too.

With that in mind, here are our thoughts on what some of those New Year’s resolutions may look like:

Spider-Man: I resolve to find true love. I really think it’s time that I settle down, find a wife, and get into a solid domestic relationship. That’s the one thing in my life that seems to be missing. Seriously. Like, it was there and then it wasn’t. Weird, huh?

Kang: I resolve to go back in time and convince myself to never go back in time. It’s just too confusing. Of course, if I do that, would I cease to exist? Would I get caught in some sort of weird Moebius Strip where I kept meeting myself seconds after I just left myself? And wouldn’t it be cool if I just scrapped this whole idea and created a massive army of different time-stamped versions of myself…all one second apart? Man, that would really screw some stuff up. Totally rad.

Hulk: I resolve to be a better father. Kids learn from example. I can’t be leaping all over creation smashing stuff and speaking in broken English. What kind of precedent does that set for my little Skaar? Less mindless violence and more dedication to the arts, that’s my goal. Maybe I’ll even take up yoga.

Aquaman: I resolve to…hello? Is anyone listening to me? HELLO?!? Stupid fish aren’t even paying attention anymore.

Punisher: I resolve to only kill people who deserve it. And by “deserve it,” I mean “does something that falls within my broad and ever-changing definition of evil…from kiddie porn to jaywalking, on any given day.” Honestly, that guy driving that Miata the other day? He was just asking to be blown up into tiny pieces with a bazooka and about a half-dozen other high-explosive armaments. Should whack his family too. What kind of person drives a Miata?

Luke Cage: I resolve to never join a group called the Dark Avengers. Kinda sends the wrong message, ya know? Sweet Christmas!

Kang: I resolve to go back in time and convince myself to never go back in time. It’s just too confusing. Of course, if I do that, would I cease to exist? Would I get caught in some sort of weird Moebius Strip where I kept meeting myself seconds after I just left myself? And wouldn’t it be cool if I just scrapped this whole idea and created a massive army of different time-stamped versions of myself…all one second apart? Man, that would really screw some stuff up. Totally rad.

Iron Man: I resolve to start drinking again. Can you blame me?

Blue Beetle: I resolve to stay relevant regardless of losing my solo series and becoming a quasi-legacy to a character who was never all that fabulous to begin with. But hey, as long as I keep making appearances on a keen new Batman cartoon, everyone will love me! I mean, look at the headliners I’m appearing with…Plastic Man, Red Tornado, uh…Aquaman? Damn it. I’m screwed.

Madrox: I resolve to stop sending doubles in to deal with the crying baby. It’s not fair to them and it doesn’t really teach me anything. Although, on the bright side, at least I’m not the one who has to put up with all the screaming and crying. Considering half the kid’s genes are from Siryn, that’s probably a safe thing.

All-Star Batman: I resolve to stop talking like a goddamn retard.

Kang: I resolve to go back in time and convince myself to never go back in time. It’s just too…ah, crap.

Dr. Strange: I resolve to be the central character in a Bendis crossover this year, meaning I also resolve to act horribly out of character as long as that advances the plot, no matter how nonsensical that may be.

Cyclops: Now that my current honey, Emma Frost, looks to be going evil again, I resolve to find another skank to bring home to my bedroom. I wonder what Selene, the Black Queen, is up to. Jean would be so proud.

Wolverine: I resolve to only appear in fifteen books a month. Wouldn’t want to become overexposed.

Thor: Verily, I doth resolveth to speaketh in English most plain, so as not to confuseth those who doth find themselves arrayed around me.

Hercules: Verily, I doth resolveth….hey Odinson! Getith thine own resolution. Fine. I doth resolve to ne’er move from the fine publication in which I currently reside. It is mine now Hulk, you poor excuse for a hero! You shall ne’er move me from it!

She-Hulk: I doth resolve…sorry. It’s contagious. I resolve to get my own title again. I wonder who can relaunch me this time? Maybe I’ll give Byrne a call….it’s not like he’s doing anything important right now.

Sub-Mariner: I resolve to enter rehab this year. I mean, have you seen me lately? I look worse than Tony Stark did after a three month bender!

Dr. Light (female): I resolve to turn back the clock on my personality and act like I did in 1986 again. It may not make sense to anyone else, but there’s a reason I’m ignoring the last 20 years of my life and acting in this manner. Honest.

Obsidian: I resolve to go back to the JSA and fade into the woodwork again, since the only title to explore my character is now, <sigh>, cancelled.

Scarlet Witch: I resolve to return to comics to say what I should have said in 2005: “No more Bendis.”

Advertisements

Comic Book Predictions for 2009

Dec-15-08

Here at “Meanwhile…Comics!”, we’ve spent the past year talking about what we would do differently with the characters and titles found in the Marvel and DC universes. It’s been fun to play editor-after-the-fact. However, if we want to be true editors of a comic book world, we need to learn to plan ahead as well. So, John and I thought this would be a good opportunity to take a peek into the future and see what 2009 may hold for our favorite Marvel and DC characters. I’ll kick off the festivities and then John can comment on my thoughts and add some of his own (you guys know the drill). In 2009, I predict…

1. MODOK will make a comeback. Granted, this freak has been the butt of many jokes in the past year or two, but he used to be leader (many times over) of AIM and one of Captain America’s most visually interesting foes. The way Ed Brubaker is scrolling through the early Cap bad guys…Red Skull, Doctor Faustus, Arnim Zola…he’s bound to get to MODOK sooner than later. And then, we can expect dramatic comebacks from the likes of The Stranger, Solarr, Monster Ape, Yellow Claw, The Tumbler and The Alchemoid. Classics all.

2. DC will go through yet another crisis. And the Internet will weep. And no one will understand what’s going on. And the whole thing will center around an epic battle between Bat-Mite and Streaky the Super Cat. The plot will get leaked to someone’s blog and then Dan DiDio will spend four months rejiggering the whole thing so that Bat-Mite ends up either torn in half or stuffed in a refrigerator (or, in his case, a little Coleman cooler). Tears will fall. Heroes will rise up. No one will notice.

3. Wasp will come back from the dead. And so will Steve Rogers and Bruce Wayne and Martian Manhunter and Orion and everyone else who went down this year. Are you shocked yet? I’m even going to go out on a limb and say that Mockingbird will die again, just so Bendis can mess with Hawkeye a little bit more. Jerk.

4. Some second tier characters will get their own titles. And then get them cancelled. I’m looking at you, Dakota North! Oh, what’s that? You already had a title that no one bothered to read? Never mind then. Now I’m looking at you, Nth Man! What? Really?? Oh. Well, maybe She-Hulk will get her own title again. Fingers crossed.

5. Frank Miller and Rob Liefeld will collaborate. In the crossover, Batman and Shatterstar will carry really big guns, swear a lot, and constantly look like they’re in pain (either through their expressions or the fact that they have teeny, tiny ankles and ginormously huge upper body structure). Oh, and the whole thing will be presented in vivid black & white…because, you know, that never gets old.

That’s five things off the top of my head. I predict that John will inspire more sarcasm in me. What do you predict?

Well, it’s certainly hard to argue with the prediction that the dead in comics will rise again. I’d also go ahead and add Shadowcat to your list, as I’m sure she’ll return from her Joss Whedon-penned demise in short order (at least I’d hope so, as she’s one of the few truly interesting members of the X-Men). It’s also certainly hard to argue with DC having another Crisis. I know this one is called Final Crisis, but who really believes that?

Here are some other predictions:

1. Brian Michael Bendis will suffer fatigue from writing 75% of the titles Marvel produces and his scripts will show it: Oh, I’m sorry, that happened in 2006. I’m supposed to be looking to the future. I do, however, feel that he will continue to be one of the guiding lights behind the Marvel Universe, that his writing will continue to avoid hitting the heights it did back when he wrote only a few fringe books, and that I will continue to avoid purchasing most Marvel titles for this very reason.

2. Mark Millar will unveil his latest brainstorm: Ultimate Midnighter and Ultimate Apollo!: In an attempt to breathe life back into the Ultimate Universe, Mark Millar will introduce Ultimate Midnighter and Apollo into that world. Once there, they will become members of the Ultimates, leading that team to new heights of debauchery and pathetic attempts to incite readers with cheap sensationalistic antics. Ultimate Captain America will prove to be a giant homophobe and will fight with them both, eventually ending when Apollo sodomizes him at which point Cap will see the error of his ways and shack up with Ultimate Colossus.

3. Spider-Girl will be relaunched and then re-cancelled. Twice. Which is a pretty safe bet any year.

4. Dan Didio will make internet fandom arise against him in anger when he decides that the DC Universe needs to kill off Captain Marvel. “He’s really just another Superman, right? I’ve never seen the point of him. He’s redundant.”

5. Ed Brubaker and Matt Fraction will launch a new title, “Raging Razorback”, will will become a huge critical darling. “We can make any previously unimportant D list hero relevant and exciting,” Brubaker will say in an interview on Newsarama. The book will indeed, launch to much critical and commercial success, which will last for eight months, when both creators will then leave the book to work on a relaunch of El Aguila. Some poor relative unknown will be tapped to replace them, and Razorback’s title will quickly fade from view. However, I declare 2010 to be the year of El Aguila!

Oh, snap! Those are some good ones. The Bendis point is so true it’s ridiculous. Everyone seems to hint that Bendis will be Quesada’s replacement as Editor-in-Chief eventually. What a horrible day that will be in the Marvel U. Everyone…will…yeah, but…well, you know…we can…we can all start, y’know, start…talking like…um…like, y’know, this? Or…yeah. Yes.

I’m not sure DiDio will get to Captain Marvel in 2009 though. He still has to do long division on the rest of the former Robins, a couple Green Arrows, three Flashes, at least two Atoms and a generous handful of Green Lanterns. Captain Marvel might get pushed to 2010.

I absolutely LOVE the Brubaker/Fraction reference. So true. And, so help me, I’d happily buy every issue of Raging Razorback. Y’know…until the scrub creative team takes over.

That reminds me of a few more things I can predict for 2009…

1. Someone will finally sell an Aquaman pitch. And that lucky devil will be Grant Morrison. The book will be described as “Lovecraft with sex pirates,” the art will be provided by Frank Quitely, and the first issue will come out 22 months after the book is announced. Critics will rejoice. Fans will scurry for their dictionaries. And, somehow, Morrison will win a Nobel Prize for literature. He’ll accept the award in a shiny suit and then disappear from the stage in a puff of smoke.

2. The TV-to-comics writer trend will continue. 2009 will see the debut of three titles that take place in a hospital, four that deal with scientist cops, one that features a law firm and one that has some sort of weird sci-fi vibe but just gets more convoluted and confusing as it progresses. Pretty soon, readers will give up on it all and start turning to the serialized versions of Survivor and The Amazing Race. The Comic Writers Strike of 2009 will come to a head with Deal or No Deal: The Comic Book (which will immediately be optioned by Sony for a three-picture deal).

3. All the superhero tropes will make an appearance. Someone will be resurrected. Someone will lose their memory. A plot will turn out to be a vividly bad dream. Another plot will turn out to have taken place in a different dimension. Time travel will solve someone’s problems. A bad guy will have his “lifeforce’ transferred to another body a split second before his current body is destroyed. Certain characters will die in one title, only to pop up in another as if nothing ever happened and nothing is explained. One hero will secretly wear the costume of another hero. There will be an evil twin…with a goatee and, preferably, an eyepatch. An older sister will turn out to be someone’s mother instead. Someone will cheat on someone else with their brother…and get pregnant! Wow…those last few went into soap opera territory, didn’t they?

4. Wolverine will get three more titles. And, right before his movie debuts, he’ll show up in crossovers with Hulk, Punisher, Spider-Man, Ghost Rider, Iron Man, Moon Knight, Ms. Marvel, Thunderbolts, Captain Britain, Anita Blake, Dark Tower and even the Marvel Illustrated version of The Man in the Iron Mask.

5. DC will slip to #3 in sales. This will happen when Dark Horse signs a licensing deal for a Harry Potter vs. Twilight series. Geeks worldwide will suddenly realize that Dark Horse publishes books featuring Hellboy, Star Wars, Buffy, Raiders of the Lost Ark, Serenity and pretty much every other popular genre-based character and Eliza Dushku role outside the superhero realm. The mainstream media will try to make a story out of the fact that comics exist that aren’t based around male power fantasies. A few people will take note, but aging fanboys will rally against the minimally perked popular interest, decrying these new books as “dumb” and the people who read them as “idiots.” The world will realize what socially repressed assholes the core comic readership is comprised of, the potential excitement will die away and superhero comics will continue to shrink in both quality and reach. Everyone will be happy. Hooray!

Have I mentioned lately how much I enjoy reading comics? Just wanted to reinforce that.

I would so read that Aquaman book.

I can’t wait to read more Wolverine titles. With his three monthlies, plus his appearances in multiple X-Men titles and Avengers affairs, I simply don’t feel that we’re seeing enough of him. With a major motion picture coming out next year, I don’t understand why Marvel doesn’t capitalize on this underused character. Perhaps the launch of Spectacular Wolverine, Wolverine: The Best There Is At What He Does and Superfluous Wolverine, will help to fill the gap and will help draw non-comics readers into comics shops after the movie is a hit. Oh wait. No, that won’t work, since all of those books will be cynical, angry books, mired in years of confusing continuity that would take ten years to understand. My bad.

My crystal ball is clouding over, but I do have a few more predictions for next year:

1. Usagi Yojimbo will continue to be an amazing comic, with spectacular writing, good art, and it will appear on a regular monthly schedule. It’s creator, writer and artist, Stan Sakai, with perform this feat, amazing in and of itself, while still finding time to do another few odd projects, such as lettering a Groo miniseries for Dark Horse. Comic book scientists will still be unable to distill and bottle this amazing man, and other comics creators will still be unable to duplicate his feats.

2. The third issue of Kevin Smith’s Batman book will not ship. Look for it in 2011. It will still suck.

3. Peter David will launch a new series starring Hawkeye, a popular character who has had his own series in the past, but never seems to be able to keep one long term. The series will be smartly written. It will have humor, but will also handle serious subjects. It will be popular with critics and get good reviews. It will have strong art, with clean storytelling and a sense of fun. It will be cancelled within the first two years.

4. Judd Winick will start writing another three titles in the DCU. Characters in those titles will note that instances of rape, general violence and needless slaughter increase by 150%.

5. The comics industry will continue to hemorrage readers, while the leaders in the industry refuse to consider alternate business strategies that would keep the artform alive in the longterm. Oh, how I wish I had a punchline for this one.

And, I’m spent.

Hey! Don’t throw Hawkeye under the bus like that! X-Factor hasn’t been cancelled (again) yet, has it? It’s funny that we assign certain traits to certain writers. If the characters were actually living and breathing members of a contained universe, do you think they’d be having water cooler conversations about who’s handling their writing duties?

Fade in on Hulk, Moon Knight and Ms. Marvel talking in the break room of a nondescript office building. Iron Man approaches with a casual saunter.

IRON MAN: What’s up, homeslices?

HULK: Have you seen Spidey?

IRON MAN: Nah. Kid’s a square. Too angsty for me.

MOON KNIGHT: Pfft. Not anymore. Bendis got a hold of him for some event comic. Poor Petey is talking like a fry cook with a head injury. Takes ten minutes to say hello.

MS. MARVEL: That’s so sad. Did you hear that Peter David is taking over my book?

IRON MAN: Well, it was nice knowing you!

Everyone laughs.

HULK: You’re lucky. I’ve got two titles right now. One with Slott and one with Claremont. I wake up in the morning and I don’t know if I’m supposed to be bashing stuff and throwing out clever quips or if I’m just supposed to be standing around delivering panel-cramping monologues about my feelings and every relationship I’ve ever had.

The group nods their heads in agreement. Just then, Green Arrow walks into the room. He’s looking around confusedly.

GREEN ARROW: Anyone seen Batman?

HULK: Last I saw him, Kevin Smith had called him into his office. But that was six months ago.

MOON KNIGHT: Anyone know what Smith’s doing with that whole Daredevil/Bullseye thing? I swear he’s got bodies buried under the floorboards.

Hercules storms into the room. He whips his coffee mug across the room and imbeds it in the wall.

HERCULES: Goddamn, Millar! Even I don’t have enough muscles to keep up with these redundant fight scenes!

GREEN ARROW: Hey, just be glad you’re not part of the Legion! I hear Winick took over that book and now they only have four members left. Freakin’ bloodbath. Families. Friends. Pets. Raped and dismembered. I hear they only found chunks of some of the Substitute Heroes. I don’t know what refrigerators look like in the 31st century, but they must hold a lot.

Ms. Marvel starts crying. Moon Knight moves over to comfort her.

IRON MAN: I miss the good ol’ days. Stan Lee couldn’t write for crap, but at least we all got home in one piece.

HULK: And almost everyone’s name rhymed too. Big help.

HERCULES: Yeah. So…what do you guys think about Grant Morrison?

IRON MAN: I hear he turned Wonder Woman into a dude. And an astronaut. S/he can see into the future now.

MOON KNIGHT: Hmph. Lucky break. Sales ought to go through the roof on that one.

Fade out.

Sigh…I’d take one meticulous, thoughtful Stan Sakai over a hundred Judd Winicks any day.


Casting Call: Captain America

Nov-17-08

Marvel has announced an upcoming Captain America movie, as part of their Avengers series of films. Now, details about the film aren’t available (at least, details aren’t available to me), so I don’t know which characters from the comics we might see in the upcoming film, but I thought we might take a look at the characters who figure prominently in Cap’s life and see who we might choose to cast in those parts.

Captain America: Obviously, this is the most important role in the film, and it’s tempting to cheat by saying I’d cast an virtual unknown, like they have with Superman in the beginning of his two film series. I think that a movie with a new actor in the starring role, and with established actors filling out the rest of the supporting cast, would work very well. However, that’s kind of cheating for these Casting Calls, so let’s see who we can find. Cap is actually a difficult role to fill; you need an action star who can act, but more importantly, you need a huge, buff guy, which really isn’t in vogue these days. Most young actors are skinny and don’t have the size that Cap really needs. That being said, I’m going to cast Adam Baldwin, from Firefly, Angel and Chuck. I can’t remember if I’ve cast him before, and he’d need to dye his hair blond, but he’s a great actor, and he’s got the size to be a convincing Cap.


Red Skull: Cap’s greatest enemy is a sure bet to be in the film, although I don’t know if they’ll have the skull be just a mask, or his actual face. I’m also not sure if they’ll play him more as a criminal genius or as a martial arts expert to rival Cap. In either case, chances are we aren’t going to see his face much. Still, if there’s an actor we know can do an evil German, and we know can act under a lot of makeup, that would be Ralph Fiennes. Whether we see his actual face or not, he would make the Skull truly memorable.


Bucky during World War II: Hard to say how much of the movie will be set in WWII, but a younger Bucky is a distinct possibility. What young actor could recreate the character? Without a doubt, this has been the hardest part for me to cast. I would have cast Lucas Black, from American Gothic in the part, were he still 15 years old. Sadly, that time has past us. I find it hard to actually identify teenage male actors who seem like they could handle this part; most “teens” on TV are in the early 20s and tend to look like it, and I really think that Bucky needs to be a teenager. Finally, I’m going to go with Rafi Gavron, who was just in Nick and Nora’s Infinite Playlist. He was fun in that character, but he’s younger, he looks like a teenager, and yet he’s built enough to be Bucky (he’s the one on the left).


Winter Soldier: The older Bucky has proven to be such a neat idea in Ed Brubaker’s comics that he would have to be included. I’ve recast this part a few times. Personally, I think that the Winter Soldier should look pretty bad, and look a little older, to really cement how much he’s been through since WWII. However, in the comics he still looks relatively young, since he’s been in suspended animation for many of those years. I’m going to pick Jensen Ackles, of Supernatural, who has the build and the ability to be moody and intense. I think he could pull it off.


Sharon Carter: There’s sure to be a love interest, and Sharon Carter is the best one for Cap. As the only main female character in the movie, this woman has to do a lot. She’s got to be able to be strong, both physically and emotionally. I’m going to go with Charlize Theron, who’s proven she can hold her own in both Hancock and Aeon Flux (among others).

Nick Fury: I’m going to stick with the casting of Samuel Jackson for this one. I think the role should have gone to David Hasselhoff, who played Fury in the TV movie, but for some reason, Hollywood didn’t agree. Since Fury has already been seen in the Marvel movie Iron Man, and Jackson will do a great job with it, he’s in.

We were going to add another villain, but since this took me so long, I’m going to leave it with these six. Jason may discuss the other villain if he’d like. I’m sure he’ll have some comments on these selections anyway.

Yeah, I noticed on Friday that Newsarama was invading our casting turf (after we blatantly swiped it from Wizard…back when Wizard used to be good…or at least better…or at least entertaining) and thought we should jump on casting a movie that actually has a chance of being made in the near future. Our Justice League, Hawkeye and Doctor Strange casting calls are all pipe dreams at this point. But this one could actually see the light of day! Hopefully the two of us, and our four and a half average daily readers, can have some influence!

John made some solid choices overall. I don’t really feel horribly put off by any of them, but I do think there are some individuals who could fill a few of these roles more appropriately. I will say that I did not mind at all doing a 20-minute image search for the right Charlize Theron picture. As I’ve said before, she and Kate Beckinsale can do no wrong in my eyes. I was going to pose a half-serious argument for David Hasselhoff in the Nick Fury role, with visions of his career taking off like Travolta’s did post-Tarantino. But then I realized that I don’t really want The Hoff’s career to take off (and I don’t really care for Travolta either…he ruined what could have been a good Punisher movie).

Like John said, I was originally thinking of a secondary villain. Not sure how the script would play out, but it seems like Baron Strucker and HYDRA could be good foils for Captain America as he struggles with the Red Skull. And the two villains are of the same mold and might work with each other (or double cross each other as villains are wont to do). So, I’ll be casting the role of Strucker in addition to the others…

Captain America: I like Adam Baldwin…as a supporting actor. For some reason, and I don’t know if it’s the person or the roles he’s been put into, he always comes across as smug and sarcastic to me. He just doesn’t seem like the all-American guy I picture when I think of Cap. I’m with you on this one that they should probably cast a relatively unknown actor. However, I have to give it a shot, so I’ll go with Colin Ferguson. You may recognize him from a variety of TV shows, most recently the Sci Fi series Eureka. He’s 36, looks world-weary and can play both strong and humble (he has an improv background). The only slight against him is that he’s fairly thin…but I could see that working for the pre-serum Steve Rogers and then have him add some weight for the action parts of the flick.


Red Skull: I have no problem with Ralph Fiennes, per se. He’s a great actor who has played both a German and a villain, so that’s a good fit. The role needs a strong personality, someone who is willing to play it over the top and really brash. I’m not saying Ralph Fiennes is out, but I would like to offer up two other choices: Peter Weller (Robocop) and Peter Greene (Zed in Pulp Fiction). Oddly enough, both actors have the same general appearance…which seems to translate well to a skeletal look. Weller always came across as a bit more stone-faced and cold to me. Greene is the quintessential slimy bad guy type and creeps me out on screen. Let me know what you think of either of those options.


Bucky (young WWII version): I’m in the same boat as you when it comes to young Hollywood types who could play this role. In lieu of pounding my head on my desk in an attempt to shake a name loose, I’m just going to agree with you on this Rafi Gavron dude (even though I have no idea who he is).

Bucky (Winter Soldier version): This is another Ralph Fiennes moment for me. I see nothing wrong with Jensen Ackles and actually enjoy his Supernatural role. While he’s not yet written off by me, I’d like to suggest some competition in the form of Wentworth Miller. Miller has that look of someone who has gone through hell, been manipulated and came out the other side not giving a damn. Brooding is a good trait for older Bucky. It also helps that Miller looks like an older version of Gavron.


Sharon Carter: As I said above, I’m a ginormous Charlize Theron fan. She’s gorgeous. She’s fun. She’s proven she can occupy a variety of roles. I’m sure there are other strong blonde actresses out there, I’m just drawing a blank on any one in particular right now. Therefore, Theron is in.

Baron Strucker: The head of HYDRA has to have a maniacal bent to him. In fact, I posit that he has to look literally insane from power and hatred of his fellow man. This role needs an abrasive, evil man who can not only hold up under the monocle, facial scar and bald look…but thrive in it! For this special spot in the credits, I choose the guy who played both Laura Palmer’s dad on Twin Peaks and the Devil himself in Reaper: Ray Wise.


Sam Jackson as Nick Fury is a gimme. That completes my cast…sort of. Let’s discuss the Red Skull role a bit. And then give me your feedback. I can take it!

You’re completely correct when you say that Adam Baldwin has usually been somewhat smarmy, if not downright villainous. I think, however, that he’s a good enough actor to pull off Cap, but your counter suggestion of Colin Ferguson was brilliant! I hadn’t thought of him, and he would be great! You’re right, he’s a little thin, but he should be able to bulk up.

As for the Red Skull, your choices are fine, but I’m going to defend Ralph Fiennes. I think he’s a stronger actor than the other two, and again, he’s proven that he can work through makeup. He’s also an excellent villain, who simply oozes menace, and he can be somewhat cultured at the same time. Of all my choices, he’s the one I feel the strongest about, and I still think he’s the best choice for the role.

How sad is it that we couldn’t come up with a better choice for a young Bucky? It says something either about today’s teen actors, or our knowledge of today’s teen actors. Again, I can think of former child stars who would have been good in the role, but they’re all too old now, and most “high school” students are TV are in their 20’s. Is there an actor waiting in the wings on the Disney Channel or Nickelodeon that I’m simply not aware of? Quite possibly. Perhaps this is the part that will be filled with some unknown after a nationwide search.

I’m a huge Wentworth Miller fan as well, and he could pull off the Winter Soldier, no doubt about it. This is the first choice where I throw up my hands and say that I could see either one in role. I think I’ll go with Wentworth Miller, simply because he does look more like our young Bucky than Jensen Ackles. I think he may also be a little thin for the role, but that’s nothing a personal trainer and a high protein diet won’t fix.

Ray Wise as Strucker is a great choice! I’m good with that. I believe we have our cast!

You’re right that Fiennes is clearly the better actor of the three choices. And it might help to anchor the cast with someone who has that experience and depth. Plus, Fiennes could play the role with more of a simmering hatred which would contrast brilliantly with a boastful, bombastic Strucker. Isn’t it rather strange though that all three of the actors selected have the same basic appearance? The larger forehead and deep-set eyes really portray the skull visage underneath.

I’m trying to come up with something to fill that “young Hollywood” gap in my brain, but it feels like a fruitless effort. All the Nickelodeon shows my sons watch are either animated or feature teenagers who don’t really act like teenagers. And if you’re good with Wentworth Miller then it makes sense to cast the visually similar Gavron as his younger self.

So that’s that. Not only could I imagine Colin Ferguson smiling in the face of danger as Ralph Fiennes seethes and fumes, but I could also totally see Ray Wise and Sam Jackson butting heads on opposite sides of a national security threat. Anyway, here’s our version of the Captain America movie cast:



Casting Call: Justice League

Oct-27-08

I know we just did our Dream Team for the Justice League last week, but it got me to thinking about how there aren’t a lot of DC movies being made and the ones that have been made are a mix of ups and downs…the reinvigorated Batman franchise has made huge gains both financially and credibly, but the latest Superman relaunch was a bit of a disappointment. And that supposed younger Justice League film never got off the ground in light of last winter’s writers’ strike. So, I thought it would be fun for John and I to fill out our version of the Justice League cast…

Wonder Woman: This is probably the toughest decision to make. The right actress has to have a certain age and wisdom to them, yet still be young and look good in the costume. She also can’t be one of those lithesome types so popular these days…WW is big and strong. That’s a tough description to fill. My first reaction would be to go with Kate Beckinsale, but that just seems so obvious. Plus, she might actually be too pretty for the job. If I knew she could act (aside from her role on the new incarnation of American Gladiators), I’d pick the tough and beautiful Gina Carano. Instead, I’m going to have to go with one of the early rumors: Charisma Carpenter.

Green Lantern: I know I’m going to have a hard time coming up with some young, dark-haired guys to fill some of these roles…guys that aren’t generic and one-dimensional (*cough*BrandonRouth*cough*). However, Kyle Rayner has a certain earnestness to him that I think one particular person can conjure up. As a matter of fact, he was also rumored to be up for this role recently: Friday Night LightsScott Porter.

Flash: In my mind, Wally West could only be played by one person, and that’s the person who has long been attached to the role in a supposed solo movie that may or may not ever get made: Ryan Reynolds.

Plastic Man: Wow. This is a tough one. He has to have a good sense of humor and even have a sort of goofy looking face. Yet he has to be a believable actor in order to pull it all off. Whoever plays Plastic Man should be a bit taller and on the thin side. I thought I had this thought wrapped up, but then I got hit with a weird epiphany and now I can’t decide between two good actors. One is a bit younger and definitely embodies the actual “look” of Plastic Man. The other is a couple years older and would need to dye his hair, but I think has a stronger personality for the character. The two choices are: Jesse Bradford or Neil Patrick Harris.

Animal Man: Buddy Baker is just a normal guy. There’s nothing special about him. He’s a family man who just happened upon something wonderful. This position is ripe for an established character actor, one of those types that you’ve seen in a bunch of movies and has pulled off his acting so well that you can never remember his real name. I have the perfect name: Alan Tudyk.

Mister Miracle: This one was probably the toughest for me solely because you see Scott Free out of costume maybe once every fourteen years. What does he look like? What sort of person is he out of his superhero role? I dunno. I found one panel with his actual face and I just thought he looked a bit like Casey Affleck.

Black Lightning: Jefferson Pierce is obviously a bit older than some of the heroes. He’s been around the block a few times, has a certain roughness to him, but could also come across as a quiet leader if need be. He has a teaching background, has two daughters and is definitely an established professional. My first impulse was to pick LL Cool J, but then I thought he looked too nice and easygoing. Black Lightning has more of a burning intensity to him. To that end, I selected someone who has seen a lot of screen time lately and someone who was actually cast to play John Stewart in the now-stalled Justice League film: Common.

That’s my cast of seven. I’m sure John has his own opinions. Hopefully we can come to a jovial consensus.

I’m a huge fan of Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel. I think the casts are good and don’t often get enough credit. That being said, I simply can not see Charisma Carpenter as Wonder Woman. I’m not saying that she’s a bad actress, as much as I’m saying that she simply doesn’t have the gravity and weight (and I’m not talking pounds) that she would need to portray the Amazon princess. That may not be a fair assessment from me, but that’s how I see it.

Unfortunately, finding someone to fill the role is difficult, since so many women in Hollywood are reed-like stick figures. I’d be tempted to throw out the name of Lucy Lawless, another early rumor for this role, but I already secured her a role as Black Widow, so I won’t push my luck. Instead, I’m going to look to Sci-Fi Channel’s late, lamented Farscape, and nominate Claudia Black, who has the look, the strength and the gravity to portray Princess Diana.

I don’t have a problem with Scott Porter, and certainly some poor actor from that underrated show should get a break in the big time. I say, let’s use him!

Love Ryan Reynolds! Perfect!

As for Plastic Man, I don’t think there’s any choice here. I like Jesse Bradford, but there’s no one better than Neil Patrick Harris for this role. The problem with Plastic Man is that, if you take his humor out of context, he can come across as simply obnoxious. You need someone who can be in your face and over the top, yet still likable and come across as real. That’s what Neil Patrick Harris does every week on How I Met Your Mother. He’s the clear choice.

I really hate to agree with you so much, but I think Alan Tudyk would make a great Animal Man. I need to find someone here I can argue, besides Wonder Woman.

Well, I can argue with you about Scott Free! Actually, I think Casey Affleck is a great actor; his recent turns in The Assassination of Jesse James…I’m Not Typing the Rest and Gone Baby Gone were amazing, and I’ve enjoyed him in other roles as well. However…..ugh. No, I can’t really argue with you on this one either. He wouldn’t be my first choice, but there’s absolutely no reason why he couldn’t do a fantastic job in the role.

I can’t really argue about Common either; he’d be great in the role.

Well, I could try and pick a false argument with some of your choices, but that seems pointless. You made some really great picks. I just need you to agree on Neil Patrick Harris, and then we can fight about Wonder Woman, although I don’t know how you could possibly disagree on Claudia Black.

As far as Wonder Woman goes, I was looking for someone who was slightly older and had some ethnicity to them, but wasn’t an everyday name that would have previous recognition attached to them. I mean, you look at Lynda Carter from back in the day and she was just the perfect embodiment for Diana Prince. I think Susan Sarandon would’ve had a similar resonance too. And I was toying with the idea of selecting Rhona Mitra, but I wasn’t sure she was “beefy” enough for the role. To that end, I don’t mind the selection of Claudia Black. I’ve certainly never heard of her before. She’s older and rather tall. Plus, she’s like a fanboy dream, with appearances in Hercules, Xena, Farscape, Stargate, Beastmaster, Moonlight and Pitch Black and videogame voiceover work with God of War, Conan, Lords of Everquest and Crysis. I say she’s in!

And, of course, I have no problems with NPH as Plastic Man. He’s hilarious AND a good actor.

Wow. That was much quicker and easier than I had anticipated. Here’s our heroic lineup for the “Meanwhile…Comics!” version of a Justice League movie:


Casting Call: Dr. Strange

Sep-18-08

The last casting call was so much fun, I thought we’d try another. This time, we’re going to cast a Dr. Strange movie, based on the proposal that we created back in the spring.

I think we’re going to load this a little heavier on the heroes. We need our titular hero, Dr. Strange, of course. We need his apprentice, the Scarlet Witch. We need his love interest, Night Nurse. We need his manservant, Wong. Plus, I’d like to sneak in his ally, Jericho Drumm, also known as Brother Voodoo.

On the villain side, I’ll stick with one, although he can have lots of flunkies if necessary. This is going to be someone that we created ourselves, someone that has never been seen before: our cyberpunk villain.

This casting call creates some unique challenges. While Strange, the Witch, Wong and Brother Voodoo have an established history, Night Nurse wasn’t used for years, and then she appeared for only six issues, and we’ve never seen our villain before. That means it’s going to be a little more difficult for us to argue who would be good in those roles. However, I have faith in our ability to argue anything, so I’m sure we’ll succeed on this as well.

Take it away! The casting couch is open!

I figured this is the one you’d pick next. You’re so predictable, but hopefully, my choices for the roles won’t be (meaning I won’t tap George Clooney as the good doctor even though he used to play one on TV).

Whoever plays Doctor Strange has to be a rather lithe man, someone who looks young-ish for his age and has the demeanor to pull off a serious yet dry-humor-dotted script (so he should most likely be British). He has to be believable, basically. For that kind of pathos, I turn to…

Rufus Sewell. I love this guy as a darker, smirking professional with a glimmer in his eye. You may remember him from A Knight’s Tale opposite Heath Ledger or, more recently, in the HBO miniseries John Adams.

That was a relatively easy choice for me. However, the female roles are a bit harder. There are a lot of qualified females out there who fit the general look and feel of both Scarlet Witch and Night Nurse. Wanda’s role needs to be filled by someone who seems a little confused (to play up her recent breakdown) and delicate, yet has an inner strength that is apparent, minding the fact that she used to be very powerful. This one will surprise you:

Linda Cardellini. She has most recently been seen on ER, but has a longer history which includes Freaks and Geeks and two runs as Velma in the live-action Scooby-Doo movies. She has a bit of a tomboy feel to her while also remaining strongly feminine. She also looks like the type who could get jealous easily (and make you pay for it dearly).

Night Nurse, as you’ve pointed out, is fairly unknown to most people, civilian and fanboy alike. However, based on the recent vision of Marcos Martin in the Doctor Strange: The Oath miniseries, we know that she’s a brunette, she’s very self-assured and she appears to have some bit of Asian ancestry. I’m going to select another of my favorite females on the planet, Miss Olivia Munn.

She can be seen weeknights on G4TV’s Attack of the Show where she makes geeks drool. She also has quite the acting chops, having appeared in weekly parody skits where she has donned the memorable costumes of both Wonder Woman and Princess Leia. I could definitely see her holding her own in a smart-ass exchange.

The character of Wong pretty much screams for a Chinese national. I can think of no one better than the star of Kung Fu Hustle and Shaolin Soccer, Stephen Chow. Shave his head and he’s good to go.

And, the person who would best portray Brother Voodoo came to me rather quickly as well. I briefly debated whether or not Voodoo should be older than Strange, but finally decided that it wasn’t really relevant. As long as he has the right kind of face, the character should be easy to portray. That’s why I turned to Chiwetel Ejiofor…

He’s a bit younger than Rufus Sewell, but I think he looks like a contemporary. Besides, he needs to be attuned to a different type of magic, something that may keep him younger or in better shape than the less rigorous monitoring that Strange performs. Ejiofor is English-born and has spent nearly his entire career in small film roles from American Gangster to Children of Men to Serenity.

Finally, a young villain who has no small amount of confidence in his abilities. He’s bright-eyed and eager to impress, but he’s also deeply disturbed and willing to do anything to get his way. I’m thinking a quirky mix of Jude Law and Macaulay Culkin…a younger Robert Downey Jr. or Justin Timberlake without all the annoying qualities of Justin Timberlake. So…

He’s the new Chekhov in the new Star Trek movie! He played admirably alongside Mr. Downey Jr. in Charlie Bartlett. He was even kidnapped by the aforementioned Timberlake in Alpha Dog. This is Anton Yelchin and he’s my vision for a badass steampunk/cyberpunk bastard sure to jab a sharp thorn into Doc Strange’s side.

What say you? How did I do?

Petrfect casting. Next!

Oh, it’s not quite that simple, except that it kinda is. First of all, for the record, I debated quite a bit about whether or not to cast this group, and almost suggested we cast our group of criminals in Manhattan Kansas. It was only the sad lack of actors in Hollywood who have the head of a fish that helped me decide to go with the Strange group.

That being said, I actually don’t have any problems with any of your choices….not really, anyway. They’re all perfectly good choices, and they certainly came out of left field. You chose an interesting group of actors, and I really only have a problem with one of them, and even that one isn’t one I’d fight too hard to change.

Rufus Sewell is a good actor, and I can easily see him as the good Doctor. I can’t believe that you think I would have cast George Clooney, just because he played a doctor on TV. That would have been silly. I was actually considering Hugh Laurie. I kid, although Laurie might be able to do a passable Strange. Still, Sewell would be a better choice.

My favorite choice of yours, and the one that made me smile was Linda Cardellini as Wanda, the Scarlet Witch. Brilliant! Gold star for you. I couldn’t possibly improve on that casting if I tried.

My least favorite pick, and the one I have the most chance of arguing, is Olivia Munn. Dude, she hosts a show on G4TV. Why didn’t you just pick someone off the view, or pick Connie Chung? That being said, I haven’t watched her show, so I shouldn’t throw stones in her direction; a lot of actors and actresses have started with more humble beginnings; Greg Kinnear started out hosting Talk Soup on E! and he has certainly done well for himself in the field of acting. So, for me to dismiss her on that basis would be petty and close-minded.

I like Stephen Chow quite a bit, but I’m not sure why he should be cast as Wong. Wong needs to radiate tranquility and I’ve not seen anything in Chow’s filmography that suggests he can do that. I’ve also never seen him in a serious role, and I think Wong is pretty serious. I’m not hating Stephen Chow in the role, but he seems, to be honest, kind of random. I’m going to suggest someone else. I’m going to suggest Rick Yune, who can be seen (bald!) in Die Another Day.

If you ignore the junk on his face and figure how he might look bald, but without the make-up, I think it would be a good fit for Wong. Plus, Yune can be silent and just stand in a scene, since that’s what he spent most of his time doing in Die Another Day. I almost hate to use him in this part, as I think he’s a good actor and might want to cast him somewhere else, but right now, I think he might be a slightly stronger choice than Chow, unless you have a better argument for Chow.

Your Brother Voodoo is a great choice as well; and your choice for our villain is somewhat inspired. It completes a list of actors who operate on the fringes of the mainstream, which is perfect for a group of Strange actors. All of these actors fit together well, and everyone seems to belong, except for the talk show host and the guy mostly known for doing broad comedies. I’ll let the woman go, but I’m just not sold on Chow.

Would it help settle your uneasiness about Olivia Munn if I told you that she spent two seasons on a show called Beyond the Break about a bunch of girls surfing? How about if you knew that she’s set to star in a film with Rob Schneider? Or playing an asylum nurse in an upcoming horror flick? See? A NURSE. Case closed.

Honestly, I briefly considered Rick Yune, but couldn’t get past his perfectly coiffed hair. Heh. Seriously, I thought Wong exhibited a bit of tongue-in-cheek humor in Brian K. Vaughan’s masterful miniseries and just thought that Chow had those chops. Of course, I guess there’s a difference between dry smarminess and outright buffoonery. So, I concede the role of Wong to Rick Yune at your insistence. So, our cast:


Casting Call: Hawkeye

Sep-17-08

Back in the day, when Wizard magazine used to be relevant and informational (says the writer who still has a slavish devotion to the magazine’s fart-and-boob-joke-filled pages), they used to run a two-page spread about fantasy casting calls for turning current favorite comics into other media applications…television or movies, specifically.

In order to spread our site’s wings a bit, and perhaps put some imagery into readers’ heads in lieu of neither John nor I having relevant artistic skills, I thought it might be fun to do a fantasy casting for one of our Marvel revamps. And, still being fresh in my mind (and not having a HUGE cast), I thought we’d go with the Hawkeye pitch first.

So, who would you like to see play Hawkeye in a movie version of our idea? Who would best fill the roles of Black Widow, Hank Pym, Taskmaster, members of the Night Shift and a possible love interest for Mr. Barton?

This could be fun.

I’m going to avoid the fact that you read Wizard; I prefer my mental image of you to be smarter and have better taste. Ok, ok, I used to read the magazine as well, and their Casting Call feature was always a really neat feature. This is a game that anyone can play, and Hawkeye and his cast are as good candidates as anyone else, since they lend themselves to a movie.

For Hawkeye himself, we need someone who can play cocky and roguish, and still retain a very likable presence. I’d be tempted to cast Justin Hartley, who has been playing Green Arrow on Smallville, but I’m not sure if he’s got enough presence to anchor a movie. A young Cary Elwes may have been a good choice, but those days are past him. I’m going to have to suggest (and I can hear the groans before I type his name) Leonardo DiCaprio.

Look, I’m not a fan of Titanic either, but the fact of the matter is, DiCaprio is actually a good actor. Moreover, anyone who saw Catch Me If You Can knows he can play a dashing rogue, or a con man, and isn’t that what Hawkeye is, a con man with arrows? Plus, DiCaprio needs a movie like this. He seems to enjoy playing morose characters in more serious movies, and playing a lighter character in a fun movie would show a completely different side to him (and if Iron Man proved anything, it’s that super hero movies can be fun and good at the same time, so he shouldn’t worry that it would lessen his career).

I think that our Dr. Pym should be someone a little older, to show that he’s been at the hero game for a little while. I’d love to say Robert Downey Jr., but that’s a simple cop-out, since I think he could play every part in this movie, including the Black Widow, and do it brilliantly. Besides, I’d like to fit our movie into the Marvel Universe movies that have already been released and he’s a perfect Iron Man. Hmmm. You know, perhaps Cary Elwes would be good in this role. He might be a little too old, but he’s got the weight (quite literally) needed to play someone who’s best super-heroing days are behind him. I didn’t expect to cast him, but I think he could do it. It’s quite a different interpretation of Dr. Pym than I was originally considering, but there’s potential there, I think.

The Black Widow is easily one of my favorite comics characters, and were this a few years ago, I would have cast Michelle Pfeiffer, one of my favorite actresses, without even blinking an eye. I think that Pfeiffer can do anything. Natasha is supposed to be a little older as well (I always imagine her in her early 40s), but I’m not sure if Pfeiffer has the bad ass streak she would need to truly capture the spirit of the Black Widow. Sorry Michelle. You’ll still always be my favorite.

If not Michelle Pfeiffer, then who? Unfortunately, Hollywood is not kind to middle age actresses, either favoring very young starlets (and Lindsay Lohan will not be playing the Black Widow) or preferring more mature actresses (and as much as I love Sigourney Weaver, she’s a little too old). I’d love the idea of someone like Amy Adams playing this role, but she’s just too young. If this was animated, I’d say we could just have Susan Sarandon do the voice and be done with it. But we need an actress who can kick butt, be beautiful, and make you very afraid of her when needed. She has to have the gravity to make you believe she’s a world class spy, but still be athletic enough to look like she can perform the sorts of stunts the Widow performs. In the end, I’m going to go with Kate Beckinsale. She’s a little younger than I was hoping for (mid-30s), but she can kick butt, she looks great in leather, and she honestly deserves a good movie.

Whew! It’s much easier to pick someone else’s choices apart than to create your own. Quick! Come up with some ideas so I can do just that!

Wow. Not the direction I was thinking you’d take at all. Of course, I’m having the same problems you were when it comes to finding relevant actors who can fill these roles. Maybe we’re just getting too old for this stuff! Hell, if this was posted 15 years ago, I could’ve easily seen Val Kilmer playing Hawkeye, with Susan Sarandon as Black Widow and an experienced yet plucky Robert Redford as Pym. In the interest of full disclosure, let me be the first to say that I was also pushing for Tom Selleck to play Tony Stark…back in 1984.

Cary Elwes would’ve made a great Clint Barton. He’s got the right amounts of suaveness and bravado. Or at least he did. Val Kilmer used to as well, until he ate a baby elephant. However, I’ve never felt that DiCaprio brought anything to his roles other than some sort of simmering immaturity. I’m just not a fan. And, regardless of how much he ages, I just don’t think Leo looks old enough or experienced enough (or ripped enough) to pull off the role with any sort of believability.

No, I was thinking of someone more along the lines of Kevin McKidd:

First of all, he’s Scottish, which instantly gives him swagger. Secondly, he’s played the adventure-type roles before…starring in HBO’s Rome series and in NBC’s Quantum Leap update Journeyman. He’s blond. He looks a bit older, grizzled and war-weary. And he’s a pretty fine actor.

Cary Elwes might make a good Pym. But, in fair play, I have to throw my own pick out there: John Slattery. Slattery has become the go-to guy for supporting actors (at least on television). He’s currently got a great role on Mad Men, and he has portrayed all types of men on shows as widely varied as K Street, Ed, Desperate Housewives and Will & Grace.

Filling Black Widow’s skintight suit is a bit more difficult. The actress we choose has to be a bit older and wiser, but she also has to be gorgeous and flexible. A redhead wouldn’t hurt. And she should probably be some sort of foreigner. I LOVE LOVE LOVE Kate Beckinsale (one of my favorite females on the planet), but I agree that she’s probably too young (I also agree that she looks mouth-watering in leather). I can think of a few competent actresses who sort of fit the mold for the character…Rhona Mitra, Carla Gugino, maybe even Famke Janssen…but I’m going to lob a name out there and see if it sticks: Saffron Burrows.

A lot of people think she’s a stiff talent, but I think she has the requisite vacant, who-gives-a-damn look and attitude needed in the character. You may remember her from such instant classic films as Wing Commander (with Freddie Prinze, Jr.), Deep Blue Sea (costarring LL Cool J) and Troy. Or, you may recall her most recent role in The Bank Job, alongside my pick to play Taskmaster…

Jason Statham. I think this guy is fabulous. Amazing fight skills. Gritty demeanor. And, from what my wife tells me, he’s not bad to look at either. Of course, his face would be covered in a skullface, so that may not count for much.

Those are my picks for the Big Four roles in this little venture. Start tearing them apart in 3…2…1…

The ripping shall now commence….to an extent.

I love Kevin McKidd and agree that he’s a fine actor. Moreso, as we learned when he was in Rome, he really can sell the idea that he can kick your butt. I’m not 100% sure that I see him as Hawkeye, as I’m not sure if he has the cocky swagger that you think he has, but you know, he’s such a good actor that I have no doubt he could pull the part off. I still think that you’re being too unkind to Leonardo DiCaprio, and doing what so many people are doing, which is judge him by his early years and the awfulness that was Titanic. I think that he’s taken so many dark and serious roles simply to distance himself from that image. But fine, Kevin McKidd it is. He’ll be cheaper, and we can spend the money on special effects.

Did you enjoy the part where I agreed with you? Good, because it won’t happen again for awhile.

I like John Slattery, but for Dr. Pym? I’d rather have the heavier Cary Elwes play him, as Slattery looks old. It’s the grey hair, and it’s not fair, but neither is life, or casting calls. I simply think that he ages Pym into his 50s, whether you want him to or not, and that simply doesn’t work for me. He’s great, and perhaps we can find something else for him to do in the movie (no, I don’t know what). If I’m throwing him out, and you’re throwing Elwes out, we need another choice, right? I’m going to nominate Doug Savant.

You may know him from Desperate Housewives. I think he works. He’s two years younger than John Slattery, but looks ten years younger. I think he looks the perfect age; older than Hawkeye (although, with Kevin McKidd playing Hawkeye, we’ve skewed Hawkeye a little older than I would have liked), but still young enough that, if given the chance, he could still hold his own in a fight. He has a certain world-weariness that is good for the character, but he hasn’t let life beat him yet, which is important.

Now, we come to the Black Widow. You suggested Saffron Burrows. You couldn’t have surprised me more had you suggested Dom DeLuise play the Black Widow. Or, at least, I would have been surprised had I any clue who the hell Saffron Burrows is. The really scary thing is when I looked at her filmography and noticed that I’ve seen her in quite a few things. Now, I’m someone who knows actors and actresses to a decent extent, and I didn’t know this woman? She was so bland and boring that she didn’t leave any impression on me through everything in which I had seen her? Sorry, no. Plus, if we’re looking at age, Burrows is exactly one year older than Beckinsale, so we’re not gaining much there. I’d still pick Kate Beckinsale FTW, but, in the spirit of trying to be helpful, let me suggest another option.

Darn. I wish I had another option for the Widow. Every actress I think of is either too old or too young. Or, in many cases, too willowy (yes, that’s probably not a word. A high percentage of my brain function is being spent trying to cast the Widow, so I don’t have enough left to think of actual words. If this continues, my grammar will continue to deteriorate, and new words will spew from me higgeldy-piggeldy. Soon it will look like Dr. Seuss posted this, with new crazy nonsense words all over the place). By too willowy, I mean they look like a stiff breeze could blow them over, and the Widow needs to look like she could kick some butt. Like Beckinsale can. But I digress.

I was going to originally suggest Maria Bello, but I’m actually not a fan of hers. Then I saw The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor and I’m now convinced that she should never work again, nor should anyone in anyway connected to that film. Oh, my head hurts just recalling it. So, I’m going to move onto someone that will, no doubt, create some more nasty comments, but I’ll stand by my choice (unless you have a better one….Saffron Burrows? Sheesh!). I nominate Lucy Lawless.

Yes, she played Xena. But since then, she’s popped up all over the landscape, and she’s shown a very wide acting ability. She is blond, but as the picture above shows, she can do red hair. She’s beautiful, but she’s also 40 years old. Plus, she not only looks like she can kick your butt, but she actually CAN kick your butt.

As for Jason Statham….brilliant. Absolutely brilliant. He’s a great actor who can be serious as hell, still play lighter moments, and again, he can kick your butt all over the place. Great choice.

Once we agree on Pym and the Widow, we can move into a few minor characters.

I apologize…for some reason your photos weren’t coming up correctly, so I replaced them all willy-nilly. The new shot of Lucy Lawless is actually pretty hot (and I always thought of her as being pretty butch). I guess I had an impression of her as a bigger woman. Must’ve been all that Xena armor she wore. I could see her in the role of Black Widow. But I still can’t believe all the hostility that everyone seems to have towards Saffron Burrows. I wonder how the poor girl gets out of bed in the morning. No, seriously, I want to know. Better yet, I’d like to be in the bed with her when she gets up…

I digress.

The picture of Doug Savant that I put in there really shows his age more than any image I had in my head. I still picture the young, idealistic guy from Melrose Place. Looking at him now though, I could almost see him playing Hawkeye! See, I put Slattery in there because I was envisioning Pym as an older dude, someone who put in his years as a hero but was now content to just sit back and help out. Kevin McKidd is younger than me (by a year or two), but has a certain experience in his face. If you want to skew Hawkeye younger, we could consider other options. How about Jesse Spencer?

He’s blond, Australian, almost 30 and costars on House. Relative newcomer. Not too hard on the eyes (I suppose). Definitely has a cockiness to him. And his awesome hair makes me jealous. What do you think?

I think that I agree. I am also jealous of Jesse Spencer’s hair.

I admit to not watching House (and I don’t have time to, so all of our hundreds of readers….ok dozens of readers….ok, my mom, don’t have to waste their time writing in and telling me how great it is) so I know nothing about Spencer. All I do know is that, when I type his name, I want to put …For Hire after it. This means nothing, except for the fact that I am old.

He certainly has the look of Hawkeye, and the picture shows the perfect Hawkeye cockiness. While I really like Kevin McKidd, I think that if we paired Spencer up with Savant, we’d have a better feel for the age of the characters. So, we have Spencer as Hawkeye, Lawless as Black Widow, Savant as Pym, and Statham as Taskmaster. Hmmm. Not bad. Who else would we need to cast? Do we want to cast all of Night Shift or is that too many people? I’m thinking it may be a bit much for our movie. Perhaps we should think TV series, since, with the exception of Statham, these actors have most of their popularity from television.

Well, I can see no reason why these folks shouldn’t branch out to a big bad comic book movie. I always favor the Star Wars method of casting anyway…pick established actors that don’t have a lot of exposure and see what they can do. You always throw a ringer in there (like Billy Dee Williams or, to some extent, Harrison Ford) just to prove you understand the process. I think Statham does that for us — he’s a fairly hot commodity right now — and I’d love to have him as an older, more experienced villain type versus a fresh-faced hero who’s still being backed up by his journeyman friends.

We should probably restrict ourselves to these four characters though. If we start casting other roles, then we end up slipping into multiple conflicts that would be best exploited in an episodic television setting. I prefer to look at the Big Picture!

Of course, if we were to attempt to launch a Hawkeye film, we’d have to more or less start from scratch. The story arc we developed for an ongoing comic title wouldn’t hold water on the screen. I say we use the trick Marvel has been using lately of having other characters appear as crossover appeal in their movies. This ties in perfectly with Hawkeye’s origin too, since Iron Man pretty much launched his career and Black Widow played a huge part in his direction too. We could start off showing him catching some common crooks or something and then do a flashback scene with Tony Stark…maybe even Nick Fury. Then they could approach him (and Widow) about joining some SHIELD Special Ops team (like in Ultimates). Taskmaster is the hardest part ot get in there if only because he’s never had a real origin in the comics. The funny thing about him, and something maybe we should discuss in another post (seeing as how he’s my favorite villain), is that no one knows his real identity and yet the government has been able to contact him on numerous occasions and use his services. Weird.

Anyway, that’s how I see things. Hawkeye is young and ready for action. Widow and Pym offer wisdom and assistance. Taskmaster is some sort of weapons runner or government assassin or something. And this is our cast: