Costume Critique: Night Thrasher

Oct-17-08

They say that clothes make the man. I don’t know who “they” are, but they must have been crying in their Chardonnay when Marvel unveiled Night Thrasher for the first time.

The above picture really doesn’t do the defunct leader of the original New Warriors justice, but it’s almost like Marvel knew that and refused to actually ever show him in his full glory. Where’s the overcoat? Where’s the skateboard?

Yeah, that’s right. I said “skateboard.”

You can rest assured that any time a superhero uses a skateboard, it’s going to make them a memorable character…one way or another. And Night Thrasher certainly doesn’t disappoint in that realm. Nothing says XTREME!!! quite like a dude hitting another dude in the face with a gnarly deck (and then chugging a Mountain Dew while totally high-fiving any nearby object with limbs).

But that is neither here nor there. Sure, the skateboard is an integral part of making fun of this lousy costume, but it’s not the only failing point. Let’s start from the top:

Night Thrasher looks like one of those low-budget direct-to-video superheroes who assembled his costume by shopping at the local sporting goods store. I can imagine him going through a hastily scribbled checklist with his precocious neighbor kid sidekick…

NT: Paintball mask?

KID: Check.

NT: Knee and elbow pads?

KID: Check and check.

NT: This costume is gonna be rad and really strike fear into the hearts of those evil real estate guys hoping to close down the local rec center in order to put in a parking garage for their high priced condos.

KID: Right on, NT! We should have one of those rousing 80’s-style montages!

NT: Not now, precocious sidekick. Evil is afoot!

KID: Awww…

NT: Back to the list. Random pieces of dirtbiking “armor?”

KID: Check.

NT: Long black overcoat?

KID: They sell those at sporting goods stores?

NT: Nah. I already had one. Just thought it would look cool. It’s totally black.

KID: Okay.

NT: Skateboard?

KID: Huh?

NT: You don’t expect me to take the bus, do you? Plus, I can totally smash some faces with it. THWUMP!

KID: Right. I think I hear my mom calling me…

NT: Not so fast, true believer! We have one more important element to consider.

KID: What’s that?

NT: Sticks.

KID: Sticks?

NT: Oh yeah. I could make some wicked weapon out of sticks.

KID: …

Aaaand…scene. Seriously. What were they thinking?

There is absolutely no way that I can top what you just wrote. I should point out that, in all fairness, I found myself loving the character of Night Thrasher, as Fabian Nicieza wrote him in the original New Warriors comics. I actually count Nicieza’s New Warriors as one of my favorite comics from Marvel in the early 90’s and I thought he did an amazing job at making these characters interesting and making the book unique. However, that does not excuse this costume. Or the skateboard. Good Lord, the skateboard!

Of course, skateboarding was popular in the early 90s, so it shouldn’t be surprising that it would show up in a comic. But a popular fad does not a new hero make. Hackeysack was also popular, and I suppose we should all thank someone at Marvel Editorial for nixing the sure-to-be-classic, HackenSackster, who must have been discussed at the same meeting. We were spared one hero born of a then-current fad at the very least.

The skateboard of young Night Thrasher was perhaps never put to better use than when it was employed against the Punisher, as a weapon. I would love to have been Microchip at that time.

MICROCHIP: Man, Frank, you look like crap. What happened to you?

PUNISHER: Some kid hit me with his skateboard.

MICROCHIP: BWAH-HA-HA!!

PUNISHER: Shut up Micro.

I was really hoping to find some screen caps of Night Thrasher beaning the Punisher with his skateboard and using the skateboard as a shield against the Punisher’s bullets, but sadly, the internet is failing me today. Of course, the Punisher need not be as embarrassed as Terrax, a freakin’ Herald of Galactus, who also got slapped around by a young punk using a skateboard to escape the power cosmic. Truly, I think the skateboard should have caught on in the Marvel Universe. Iron Man used to have roller skates; he should have been trading them in for a skateboard!

The skateboard actually disappeared after a year or so, no doubt as people realized that it was not lending their new character much dignity. Sadly, that horrible helmet never left, and so our hero looks like he should be killing pretty co-eds at Camp Crystal Lake. Look, it’s not that a helmet isn’t a good idea for your costume when you’re going to be fighting the forces of evil. It’s a great idea. But dude, you’re a Bruce Wayne rip-off with tons of money; heck, even your skateboard was made of some super strong alloy and tricked out with blades and other gadgets. Why did you think it was ok to spend $8 on a hockey mask and consider your headgear good to go?

How many jokes do you think Night Thrasher had to endure for the knee pads? “Why do you need the knee pads Thrash? Got some special plans with Kid Nova after the fight?” “Oh, shut up Speedball.” Were the knee and elbow pads there to teach kids about safety? That seems a mixed message: “Yes kids, you can jump around on your skateboard, stabbing and punching people, and you can play with guns and grenades and fight really buff guys who carry Uzis….but for the love of God, WEAR YOUR KNEE AND ELBOW PADS!” Perhaps they were to be like Batman’s chest emblem; it’s brightly colored and it’s supposed to serve as a target for criminals to shoot at, so they’re hitting him where he’s most heavily armored. Perhaps Thrash thought that, since they were some of the only areas on his costume that weren’t black, they’d attract the bad guy’s fire. Or perhaps he thought he could Brer Thrash them into attacking there: “No sir, Mr. Terrax, please don’t hit me in the elbows or knees! I’d surely be defeated if you hit me there!”

Finally, I have one question: What the hell is the point of the bandanna on his leg? It’s on every single bloody version of his costume, and it makes so sense to me. At least I can say that, while the elbow and knee pads are ugly as sin, they do have a practical purpose, since they do provide protection, in case he falls off his skateboard in the middle of a fight with a Herald of Galactus (how embarrassing!). But what does the bandanna signify? Is it supposed to be a gang sign? Is he in a gang? The other New Warriors didn’t have to wear colors. Is it a symbol of some sort, like when you have handkerchiefs hanging out of your back pocket; certain colors denote certain things you enjoy? Was Thrash cruising people as he battled crime? Please, can someone explain the bandanna?!

Yeesh. Not a bad character; horrible costume.

Damn. I forgot the Chachi bandanna. It really did tie the outfit all together.