I was getting my youngest son ready for his Halloween Parade at preschool this morning and I started thinking about costumes. One of these days, I’ll have to dig out the Polaroid of my younger self dressed as Captain America with my sweet cardboard shield. Not that that has anything to do with anything.
Anyway, I was thinking that some costumes look great and are instantly recognizable to the common folk. And some? Not so much. The cool ones are easy to applaud, so what’s the fun in talking about them? I’m sure when we have the kids out trick-or-treating tonight, that we’re bound to run into endless iterations of Iron Man, Batman, Spider-Man and Hulk. There’ll be a few Jokers mixed into the crowd and maybe, just maybe, someone will have the resources and chutzpah to pull off an excellent Hellboy costume.
However, I’m not holding my breath for any of these:
10. Radioactive Man: Hmm…a husky, glowing Chinese man in a dress. Sure, I’ve been to some crazy nightclubs in my life and done some things I’m not proud of, but that image is just creepy.
9. Sub-Mariner: It doesn’t take much to slap together a costume consisting of a green Speedo, Spock ears and pillow feathers super-glued to your ankles. That said, it definitely takes a lot to pull the look off…like a body that anyone would want to see in a Speedo.
8. Ka-Zar: I guess I have some sort of subliminal problem with half-naked fanboys, because the idea of a stinky hippie in a loincloth reminds me more of Burning Man than Halloween. The only treat this costume would get at my house would be a bar of soap to scrub off the stench of Patchouli.
7. Razorback: My high school’s janitor may have looked kind of weird slopping up vomit in his green jumpsuit and rubber gloves, but adding a pig carcass and CB lingo to the ensemble is NOT an improvement.
6. Starfox: The costume itself wouldn’t be a difficult thing to produce, but it takes a certain kind of schmuck to believe he can waltz into a bar dressed like that and try to pick up a woman with his “empathy” powers. I predict many drinks thrown in his face.
5. Vulture: Not only do I never need to see a bald old guy in some skintight green jammies, but those big wings would be a logistical nightmare in a party setting. He’d be constantly knocking over drinks and getting stuck in doorways.
4. Madrox: Unless you’re one of a set of quintuplets, there’s absolutely no pulling off this “mutant in jeans and t-shirt” concept. But imagine how freaky that would be if you were!
3. MODOK: I’m not sure if this would be the stupidest costume or the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen. Granted, there would need to be some major “suspension of disbelief” to pull off the hovering bit. It would be pretty hilarious to see MODOK trying to bob for apples with his giant noggin and tiny T-Rex limbs.
2. Professor X: Ooooh. Bald guy in a wheelchair. Original.
1. Ghost Rider: Flaming skull? If you’re gonna go for realism, this one is probably not a good idea. Plus, the motorcycle makes it kind of awkward to mingle.